I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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