I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
