I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
