She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
