just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
