The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
As shirtless as possible
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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