I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There's always time for handjobs
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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