plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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