I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
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I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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