Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
