her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
