I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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