so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
