Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
