My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it's great music for shaving your balls
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
