I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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