haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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