Me too!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
worst night to have a conscience
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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