Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
