Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
MIDGETS
????
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
