I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
