Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
