come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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