He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
