It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
