This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
