ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
