Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
