How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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