I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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