This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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