splinters make it hard to masturbate
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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