One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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