remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
