i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
