Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
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my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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