I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
