I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
