I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
