but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
