highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
