this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
