Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
