I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
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Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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