your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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