His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
