At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
