I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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