so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
