Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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