Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You can't motorboat a personality
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
