if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i think im in europe. pls send help
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
