so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
