I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
