gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
