I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
