And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
