That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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