im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You're like the curious george of whores
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
