im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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