is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
