I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
