my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
