Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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