I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
