How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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