yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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