Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
