Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
