And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
