Sponge bath it is.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
