I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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