Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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