Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
