If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
