I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize