Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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