Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just found puke in my bra..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
