How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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