Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
