I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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