she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
