His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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