I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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