he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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