How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
