She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
