Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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