I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I wear drunk well.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
