This is not my ceiling
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
